Spouses or partners who faced communication challenges throughout their relationship or marriage may find it daunting to keep the lines of communication open after their relationship ends or divorce is finalized.

However, effective communication between parents is important in creating a smooth transition for your children as a new phase of life begins.

The Pittsburgh child custody lawyers at Pollock Begg have helped families navigate this transition for more than 25 years and can offer guidance for fostering positive communication that serves your children’s best interests.

Keep these 5 tips in mind to get your co-parenting journey off to a great start:

1. Take the emotion out of communication. Treat co-parenting like a business. As co-owners of this “business,” you and your co-parent must efficiently share information about your children’s routines, activities and appointments. Keep communications (written and verbal) respectful and professional.

2. Embrace flexibility. Meeting the obligations of your custody agreement should be a priority, and you should never make plans that deviate from the schedule without discussing the plans with your co-parent first. Yet, emergencies arise, and scheduling conflicts happen. While irregular late drop-offs or untimely notice may be frustrating, remember you are likely to find yourself running late or needing accommodation at some point as well. Extending grace to your co-parent when occasional “hiccups” arise will help garner goodwill and is appreciated by court.

3. Don’t use your children as go-betweens, regardless of their age. Do not communicate with your co-parent through your children, no matter how insignificant you might think the issue is. And do not try to obtain information about your co-parent (or their new partner) from your children. Most of all, do not discuss your divorce or custody matters with your children. Doing so could place them in the middle of a potentially contentious situation or cause them to feel as though they need to choose sides. If your children happen to relay negative information they heard about you from the other parent, try to redirect the conversation and avoid responding with the same negativity about your co-parent (no matter how false or upsetting the comments are).

4.  Present a united front. No couple (intact or not) agrees on every parenting decision. When you are separated or divorced, it can be even more challenging to accept your co-parent’s decisions, especially when they do not align with your own. Try to recognize that it’s normal to have different parenting styles. Supporting your co-parent and their reasonable decisions fosters a sense of security and consistency.

5.  Seek help. If putting negative feelings behind you feels impossible, it may be beneficial to talk with a therapist. Talking through your emotions or just venting your frustrations could help you clear your head and focus on the most important aspects of co-parenting. You may even learn some new techniques to process your feelings and offer better communications skills. Counseling is often helpful for your children as well as they process their feelings about their parents separating or divorcing.

An experienced custody attorney is well-equipped to guide clients through challenging custody situations. Contact Pollock Begg to find a Pittsburgh custody lawyer who can help you resolve disputes and create a parenting plan unique to your family.